Suddenly, it hit me today. It might have been triggered because of a couple of my friends graduating from my immediate life. I was surprised that it did not happened when I left Kharagpur. May be I was not mature enough. Today, it was suddenly the most prominent thing. I had questions which I do not have answers to. Questions which disheartens me. Although these questions are morose, but I feel that we must take time, from the usual 100m race we run everyday, to have a sense of direction.
While looking back on the good times I have had with my friends, I abruptly reached a dead end. A question whose answer saddens me. A truth which I have to live with. The question is:
What is the one thing in my life which will always be with me?
"Me" can be anything from "me" as a person, a soul or just as an entity. One thing which will last the whole lifetime. I could not put my finger on even one such thing. I would not count, the earth, planets or stars. Neither will I take into account other things that outlive me. The reason to discount these things is that they are not for me/ with me or simple me. I was looking for a "thing", live or inanimate, which I can always turn to as my own and will always be there with me as I move through different phases of my life. The answer still eludes me.
I understand that change is the cause & effect of life. It is one of the reasons we exist today and a reason for something else to exist in future. I assume that we evolve into what we are today over a period of millions of years. We as a race have undergone change. This leads me to the conclusion that we, as a species, have made a choice or adapted to conditions in order to reach "today". From what I gather from the world around me, we are always in search of something which will stay with us forever, be it the search for a higher power or simply a search for a life partner. Be it the desire for a roof on the top or the ground we fight for. We all seek complements to complete us. We, by ourselves are incomplete beings. We all need a thing, animate or non-living, to help us through this journey. This brings me to my second question. This question puzzles me the most as a strong believer in science. The question is:
Why did we evolve into incomplete beings when we do not have a "thing" which will last through out our lifetime?
Human mind will always derive satisfaction from the thought of being complete. I would go ahead and say that all the things around us like entertainment, fantasy, fiction, greed, love, spirituality etc., are hopeless attempts of attaining this completeness. I now feel that all our actions are directed towards alleviating this most fundamental of deficiencies.Some say that a cause or a passion is what can last through one's lifetime. But I can argue that motives and desires are fickle and they change. It may be the closest to the thing the answer of my first question.
Although a deep passion may be the facilitator in life but it cannot be the destination. It may help us reach milestones, but will it lead to a destination. This word, "destination", is very subjective and it is confusing to me. What can be the destination if we are walking this lonely road, all by ourselves? If there is a purpose, how do I find mine! What is the method to find it out?
The most logical answer to this question may be to think as an animal. One of the basic instinct of any animal is survival. Despite several glaring contradictions, as humans our race has always handed down a better world to our progeny. This "tradition" is what I think may be the only solution to my search. The only way to have a cause and destination at the same time. It may be the only way to maintain sanity in cacophony of ignorance and comfort.
In the end, this train of thoughts have left me in discomfort. It is sort of a quarter life crisis. I feel like a rudderless boat. At the same time, I am extremely happy to see people of this generation fighting for causes and bringing changes. I laud their candid hard work and wish them the very best.
I welcome any suggestions, recommendations or your own evaluation of these questions.
