Before going through the story Professors please read READ Disclaimer and students read NJoy Claimer.
Read Disclaimer: This piece of writing is not intended to hurt anyone. All the character are purely a work of fiction. All names,places and situations that may be familiar to real life are coincidental.
NJoy Claimer: This piece of writing is intended for vengeance. All the characters really exist and are purely a work of the Devil himself. All names places and situation that may be familiar to real life are in fact real. Somebody call the Human Rights Department.
Today I heard one of the funniest or call it the most horrifying ViVa story.
Viva, as always, are one of the black listed ceremonies in the curriculum of an Electrical Engineering Student.
Yeah, it is a ceremony and a painful one. Ever increasing expectations of professors and their never growing sympathy for students render this ceremony meaningless. Ceremony ?? yeah it is a ceremony. The dates for this observance are decided by the Professors: the DARK LORDS of the darkest corners, the most dreaded space in Electrical Engineering Department....place called the Lab.( Mech. walon ke liye..."Bhag le beta agar Ramu ne dekh liya to chat jayega....." :P )
As soon as the dates are out, the preparation to perform this ritual( much like the hindu calender most of the academic calender of KGP remains quite varying ). It is the student who are more enthusiastic of the two parties involved. The students start completing their Lab records, their only hope to beg mercy. They lie, they cheat and they steal. They try and do whatever possible to get everything in order for this absurd chore.
On the judgement day....the day of Armageddon....the Dark Lords themselves descend to the Labs. They all sport that evil smirk on their face, which says... ab aya pakad main...aj teri khair nahi.....Now I talked to some of my colleagues and asked them about their experiences. We all share the same grievance. The following are some excerpts from the chat: ( Names Changed)
SKD : What are equilibrium points in pendulum ?
Magni ram: 2 points one at theta = 0 and another at theta = pi
SKD : What ? You don't know the answer, Next. Is angle 0 and pi are equilibrium point? How can you say it is ?
Ramu : Sir because net force is zero at that point.
SKD : You mean to say that any point is then equilibrium point. I don't know whether these students are IITians or not ? Next.
Rames : Equilibrium point is that point at which derivative of Potential energy becomes zero.
SKD : You mean to say any fool will say earth is round and you will accept it. Have you understood my question? What are equilibrium points? And you are saying how you can get them. Do you understand English or not ? You don't know the answer next.
Chirkut : Sir, at equilibrium point body will remain in the state of rest until an external disturbance is applied to it. So at angle theta = 0 and theta = 180 degree we have equilibrium points.
SKD: (Now at the peak of his temper) You bloody dumb fellows you don't know anything. I doubt the JEE system of entrance. How could you come here........
Students also say this "executioner", this bald sonofaBi..aa..tch calls them bloody bastards, fools, monkeys, buffaloes, cows, dumbheads.......i mean if you know the abuse this professor has used it. I think we are really nearing that day when the prof will enter the class and say " Wassup dudes....!! You motherF...ers aint do no shit....!! We will today read some shit written by Newton. Now he was a crazy sonofabitch. He did some crazy shit...."...blah blah blah. I hope that day doesn't come....ever.....
Another kind of mental torture used by some of the professors goes like this. As soon as the ritual starts, i mean as the students sit down...the professor gets up and starts stalking the students from behind.....which reminds me of the great ICON "GABBAR Singh"....it feels like the Prof. has a whip in this hand ready to inflict pain as soon as the servant says something wrong......
Another incident cites the Professor commenting " You guys are like dumb Cows basking in the sun, wallowing in the mud. And we try to take you out of there but you don't want to leave the place ".
In the end it doesn't even matter. This is the worst part. Whether you know or you don't it really doesn't make ne difference. It all boils down to that one sitting. You either make it or you break it..(who am i kidding...or you get fucked )
This whole thing reminds me one of my friends status message on the day he took his VIVA... "When rape is unavoidable it is better to enjoy the experience" - Monica Bellucci
This comment says it all about what we go through. It is not easy out here. But we do love this place. Yo KGP...And three cheers for all my Batti frnds......guys we all deserve the applause......!!!
